A Country Practice Ukulele tab

	  
Intro D Bm D Bm 


verse 1 

  D                            Bm   D                       Bm 
I feel like a beggar accepting alms, then being pelted with figs. 
  D                   Bm                           D                             Bm 
I study my steadily declining chart placings; they greet me with freezing cold inhospitality, 
     D                           Bm                D  Bm  
Hey, where did that bloke go who said I was vital? 
  D                         Bm                 D                     Bm 
I possess the mild air of a retail tobacconist, that’s because I’m a retail tobacconist 
        D             Bm                          D                   Bm 
But the mayflies on a Berkshire trout river would probably tell you a different story 
      D                      Bm 
About ham-fisted diadems and momentary daydreams 
   D                      Bm 
Of mythical dividends and illusory boardroom seats. 


Instrumental 

D Bm D Bm  C  D    D  Bm  D  Bm 


verse 2 

       D                   Bm                    D                Bm 
In the room festooned with fat beef certificates from county shows 
D                 Bm                    D               Bm 
Duff Leg Bryn had drank too much again, most of Wem was steering clear of him 
D                           Bm                  D         Bm 
 “I’ve got no time for this twelfth consecutive Rose Bowl” 
        D              Bm               D          Bm 
‘Cos on Sunday next at ten to four I’ve got an invitation for 
  D                   Bm                   D                       Bm 
A trip round Kathrine Hamnett’s warehouse, followed by dinner with David Emanuel 
      D                           Bm                 D              Bm 
Who I can’t wait to tell about my dream in which the almost illegal Elton Welsby 
   D                             Bm              D                      Bm 
Is dressed as a French maid on a moonless byway, licking his lips as he creeps ever closer 
D              Bm        D              Bm 
Fast falls the eventide, fast falls the eventide. 


Instrumental 

D Bm D Bm C  D   D Bm D Bm D Bm D Bm 


verse 3 

    D                    Bm 
The public appearance of bitter ex-soap stars 
    D                               Bm                  D  Bm 
Who thought they could go on and do other things besides 
    D                             Bm 
The Centre Court amusement at the ballboy’s mishap 
     D                                   Bm 
That bobbing up and down thing that they do at the Proms 
 D                              Bm                            D 
Opinionated weather forecasters telling me it’s going to be a miserable day 
Bm                        D                         Bm 
Miserable to who? I quite like a bit of drizzle, so stick to the facts. 


Instrumental 

 D Bm D Bm  Em D Em D 


verse 4 

Em                            D               Em                    D 
Channel Four presents “Blowjob” introduced by Adrian and Sophie Horn 
                                  Em                              D                  Em D 
Who is of course one bloke with a pierced dick who’s just had the nod from Planet 24. 
Em                       D               Em              D 
Hear him say “surreal, bizarre, sad git, yes indeedy, completely and utterly 
       Em                 D                             Em                           D 
Footy, anorak and respect” before whipping the audience up into doing the Time Warp. 
Em                             D 
Watch him take us live to “The Queen’s Arse and Firkin” 
      Em                            D 
Where Joseph Bloggs And His Amazing Technicolor Shellsuit 
    Em                          D 
Are about to abort their Steely Dan routine 
            Em                             D                    Em D 
And instead embark upon fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah. 


Bridge 

N.C. 
Fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah. 
N.C. 
Fifteen minutes of mantra-filled oompah. 

Em                   D                               Em 
Adrian stroke Sophie wants us, the viewers to ring in 
                         D 
And say how we think the punters will react. 
Em                    D                Em 
These are a few of my favourite things. 


Instrumental 

D Bm D Bm D Bm D Bm 


Verse 5 

    D                         Bm 
I’m incredibly bored with the word “millennium” 
D                             Bm 
 I’m with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. 
D                           Bm 
Millions now earmarked will later be wasted 
    D                    Bm 
Her Majesty, marvellous, Mother – The Musical. 
    D                         Bm 
The fireworks lighting up the Houses of Parliament 
D                          Bm 
Death in Trafalgar Square, death in the armchair 
   D                            Bm 
Of clichéd old spinsters who’ve never been loved. 


Verse 6 

D               Bm           D                        Bm 
Every day is Australia Day, “Sons and Daughters” and “Home and Away” 
             D                     Bm 
And then the news comes on and the sound goes down 
         D                      Bm 
‘Cos she can’t be bothered with all them politicians 
        D                           Bm       D Bm 
They’re all just a bunch of flaming drongo’s. 

    D                              Bm 
She died with her telly on, eighty-seven and confused 
     D                                     Bm 
With not enough hospital beds ‘cos all the money’s been used 
       D                  Bm 
On the end of the century party preparations 
         D                              Bm 
And they reckon that the last thing she saw in her life was 
D                    Bm                    D                    Bm 
Sting singing on the roof of the Barbican, Sting singing on the roof of the Barbican. 


Instrumental 

D Bm D Bm C  D 


Outro 

E                               A                          E 
T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee; T for Toxteth, T for Tennessee 
B7                                                 E 
T for Thatcher, that girl hath made a wreck out of me. 
                  B7              E             B7 
Old lady labelled me an idle, old lady labelled me an idle 
    E             B7             E    A      E    A      E     A  E 
Old lady labelled me an idle layabout.   Layabout.   Layabout.